Fry versus Grundy - The Town Crier Battle

April Fool Advance Warning
Has no one looked at the calendar in Ambridge?
Sunday is 1st April and the Ambridge candidates have received a letter requiring that they do their exhibition of town crier abilities including a section in a foreign language on that day.
Eddie's is to be in Italian, Bert's in Swedish. Are they both totally dense?
At least this has perked up a rather dull patch.
Anyone like to guess what the picture alongside is about?
It is supposed to be cider - is it out of the Grundy's cider shed? This is the den where Eddie and Lillian go to break their lenten agreement.

Ploughing for fun

Bert has decided he needs to find lots of things to do to keep away from the list his silent wife Freda has dreamt up to fill his retirement.

This includes ploughing to use the vintage tractor his magnificent and generous (but clearly inane) boss David has provided.

Debbie has thrown a further spanner in the works by 'proving' that Adam wasted vast resources when sowing last autumn. Very sensibly (and to avoid bloodshed) she conducted her condemnation and subversion vis a webcam from Hungary in the weekly farm meeting. Just one question. What is Jenny supposed to be doing at these meetings? That is apart from providing home made snackettes to the assembled multitudes of course.

Sofa So good

Yesterday's episode began with some nonsense about Bert Fry and a sofa hidden in a place that allowed him to hide away from Freda.

This picture is of Jazza. He only appears in the Archers when some light relief is called for. Meanwhile the obsession with cheese permeates every aspect of life in Ambridge - it is either Helen or Oliver who is developing a new locally produced variety. What a bore though.

Nigel is continuing to demand Lower Loxley goes green but is having trouble persuading Elizabeth to go along with all these changes to what they're offering.

Jazza is enlisting Ed to assist Tom & Brenda in decorating their new love nest. I hope Jennifer approves of the new decor - and is it wise to spend money on a place you're renting? Makes you think.

Eddie for Town Crier

So Clarrie saw an advert for a Town Crier's post. She can just imagine Eddie in a cocked hat and knee breeches. Eddie isn't quite so sure and aims to get back on the alcohol as quickly as he can - and certainly before Easter. He thinks the Town Crier role might give him the opportunity to visit a variety of drinking dens. Matt thinks he's caught Lillian out by giving her a breath test after one of her long lunches. It is only later that she joins Eddie in his 'refuge' to sample some of the scotch he's disguised as pig's tonic. Lillian however knows that not only is the sponsorship money & a £50 bet riding on this lenten wager but a trip to New York. Naturally they'll both be caught out before Good Friday.

Get a Grip Adam

Oh please Adam will you just lighten up! Do we really have to have this constant whining all the time? Tom and Brenda set up home in one of Jennifer's cottages and Adam should be enjoying the idyll of 'married' life with partner Ian, but all he does is whinge on about the farm. There will be hell to pay when Debbie returns home to gang up with Brian to sell off the combine, give up arable farming and wave goodbye to Brian and Jennifer as they set off for their retirement home in South Africa (as Jenny's believes) or Germany (as Brian has his heart set on so he can set up an alternative family with Siobahn and Rory). Nigel has set his mind on establishing Lower Loxley as the first green conference and wedding centre. I'm with Lizzie on this one when she asked 'What exactly IS a green wedding, Nigel?'

Barking mad the lot of them.

Yawn

The Archers regularly goes through times of great excitement, but it also has times of dullness. This is really one of the latter times. Of course Mother's Day (or Mothering Sunday as the 1950s world of the Archers would have it) is marked in the usual over the top way. Supermum Jill and Ruth (pass me the sick bucket) are treated like royalty - no I don't mean they are regularly abused in the Sunday newspapers and then driven into a underpass pillar by a drunkard.
Talking of drinking Eddie and Lillian reached a mutually beneficial arrangement about the lenten avoidance of alcohol. Meanwhile over at Lower Loxley the boredom factor is shifted up a further notch by us having a daily bulletin about the progress of Nigel's wine - this is going to go on for at least a year. How exciting! There was a wine tasting and the cricket club is raising funds through a table top sale. Wake me up when the annual fete or flower and produce show is due. Brian is still plotting about the farm and leaving a legacy to Rory - but again this storyline is dragging on and on and on and on......

Constant Wining

Now for once I'm not talking about the insufferable Adam - instead tonight's episode was devoted to Nigel's latest project: Lower Loxley Wine. This chateau produced vintage is another side effect of global warming - not that Nigel has twigged yet. So we had an endless discussion about which label was best for this new wine - the classic picture of Lower Loxley or an abstract line drawing to denote hip and happening (as if?) Kathy also spent a great deal of time going on about the new sales point in the gallery to replace the shop that Nigel thoughtlessly demolished with the digger.
OK and now I'm bored with lent - Eddie & Lillian's abstaining from drink is now dull - and how many weeks to Easter?

Jack's moment of glory

So Jack was finally persuaded to turn up to the Cricket Club dinner so that they could present him with a life membership and tell him that the pavilion is to be named after him.

It was a bit of a nightmare though, because he really didn't want to go in the first place, and then when he was there he became unbelievably anxious, confused and almost tearful. Makes me fear for my sanity at times. I wonder where this storyline is going to lead us though - will he be found face down in the duck pond? Which reminds me - what ever has happened to the ducks that used to live in the duck pond - none of the children go to feed them any more - have they starved to death?

Ed has returned to Ambridge after his trip to Paris - will the milk still be contaminated by the fruity swedes?

Mad Maypoles

One of the (many) irritating features of life in Ambridge is this constant theme of 'rural pursuits'. If it isn't hunting then they are judging the largest marrow, or producing a pedigree goat or embarking on reviving 'traditional' country activities.

So of course vast sums of money are being lavished upon a maypole. But at least is something for David & Ruth to become involved in together - ahhhhh, bless. Excuse me whilst I lose my lunch.

The plan to get Jack Woolley to accept honorary membership of the Ambridge Cricket Club whilst dedicating the pavilion in his honour, has gone badly wrong. In his senility he has decided he won't attend - so the guest of honour's seat will be vacant. How will Alastair and Shula (silly name) get around that one then?

Mike is gathering evidence of swede contaminated milk to make Ed unemployed once more.

Nigel improves Lower Loxley's facilities

The only storylines that Nigel ever gets are intended to make him look a figure of fun and his wife even more stuck up (if that is possible - she should change her name to Lizzie snobby snob snob).

The story of the excavation of the ha ha at Lower Loxley has been

signposted for weeks as an opportunity for 'hilarious' behaviour on Nigel's
part. In his eagerness to get the project under way and in the absence of Eddie Grundy (who is clearly capable of undertaking any job - milking cattle, hedge laying, constructing houses, bricklaying, cider making - the list is endless) as digger driver he promptly reversed the JCB into the gift shop thus allowing the opportunity for Kathy's planned re-arrangement of the wares to be implemented.

Meanwhile Brian has plans. He's going to play Debbie off against Adam, sell the farm and buy somewhere in South Africa to be close to Kate and then put the receipts into trust for lovechild Rory and mum Siobahn who clearly is incapable of properly looking after their son.

Ed and Oliver have embarked on their trip to Paris whilst Mike fumes about the swede feed and the milk flavouring.

Meanwhile Tom & Brenda have solved their housing problem - they've been rented a cottage by Jennifer. Rural homelessness is easily solved clearly. Although is this the same cottage that is rented for holiday lets (surely more profitable) and used by the strawberry pickers (or are they all put in caravans and tents?)

Yet more Swedes

OK so I'm slipping in a gratutitous sex scene to grab your attention. Don't worry the only romance Ed Grundy gets nowadays is at the rear end of a cow as he attaches suction cups in the milking parlour. Tonight the whining Mike Tucker catches Ed ignoring his instructions to Ed about the swede feed. He refuses to listen to explanations and rushes off to tell Oliver that the business is going to go down the drain if Ed isn't stopped. Looks like the Paris trip has gone down the drain too.
The Pargetters are getting worked up about their ha ha and romance and reconciliation is blossoming in Brookfield. How dull is that? Sam wasn't a good actor and Ruth isn't anyone's idea of a good time but the prospect of mayhem and murder and crime passionelle kept some us avid listeners.

Swede Bashing in Borsetshire

Now I don't mean that there has been an outbreak of violence against Scandinavians in Ambridge (are there any living there at the moment - but maybe they pop in to the Bull now and then). Ed's solution to Oliver's cattle feed problem was to buy a urge quantity of swedes and pulp them up, slipping them into their troughs (or whatever they feed from - hey I'm a townie how do I know?)

Trouble is the milk comes out with a strange taste, so Joe (holder of all farming folklore) has a solution - avoid the swedes just befor the cattle are milked. No wonder Oliver thinks Ed is the best companion to take to Paris for a weekend together - I hasten to assure you that it is for a Farming Festival, not for the delights of the Montmatre. (Caroline might have words about that otherwise).

Meanwhile Lillian and Eddie are finding the absence of alcohol far too much to bear. Good thing lent is not indefinite.

Two Days in One!

I'm combining the events of Tuesday & Wednesday's episodes - because I've just been toooo busy!
Ian turned into psychoanalyst by helping to get Helen to go back into the pubs & clubs of Borchester. Obviously binge drinking is an acceptable feature of country life now. How about coke snorting? Then he turned his attention to Adam (no not in a gay partner kind of way) but to console him over Brian's farm management techniques. Little does he realise that Brian is about to hand the farm to Rory!
Tom & Brenda are still trying to get a quiet evening alone together - which is making Tom all the more determined to get a place of their own.
Meanwhile both Lillian & Eddie are finding the lenten alcohol free zone to be too much to bear. Brian suggests that if Lillian lasts out he'll donate £500 to the Church.
Ed devises a swede crushing machine to solve Oliver's cattle feed problem!